honestly....there were times when i feel down/jealous looking thru facebook at how carefree girls my age are... spending their days out laughing and gossiping, taking photos shopping and just lazing around, wasting their days~~ while im here studying and completing assignments after assignments, rushing thru prescriptions, looking thru patient cases, rushing here rushing there... achieving good grades for neverending assessments, tutorials, researching on medications and diseases, mastering all the 13 disciplines at the hospital and whats worse, to be able to meet the target within 3 months...this is seriously seriously too overwhelming for me.
...i expected this coming.....i swear.. but i feel disappointed time and again, i keep telling myself that this is what it is, this is what im fated to do, i need to accept that this is just how my life turns out to be...but i still do feel like giving up everything at times. i feel tired. i feel tired when im bathing. i feel tired when im walking. i feel tired when im eating. i feel tired. tired. tired.
but actually i don't even know how i feel...no, i don't think this is fatigue or signs of overworking, im just not happy. i feel like there's more to life than meeting sick people everyday. but what can i do? hahahahaha......
but hey, dont get me wrong i am contented with my life right now... i do spend time with my loved ones and im really glad im still able to lead a normal life.. just a little more restricted and limited i guess? but im absolutely thankful and blessed with all the motivations and support i get from my family and faris...what would i do without them.. (':
well, eventhough the word "fulfillment" just doesn't exist in my life right now, i believe the time will come when i can shine and be on top... for now, that's all i can motivate myself with. even if the beginning of my so-called 'adulthood' is rough, i know it will not last forever and i know the time will come when i can finally settle down with a comfortable life and just be glad that i did what im doing right now. i know it will be....it will be...
